Conversations

My old friend and I continue to talk about how life used to be. I wonder is this healthy? Why can't we leave the past and enjoy how life is now. For my friend his response is...what happened was wrong and I am shamed for letting it happen. It is best I just listen and let it spill out...hopefully it will drift into outer space. With all the supposed help available I ask him why he does not go to VA and get some help. The conversation begins to explain his reason for just holding it in.

His base camp with the ARVNs became a nightmare. Who was leaving the little notes on his bunk...his houseboy, his interpreter? Did they really wait for him to leave and come back lobbing mortar round at him...what about the poster offering a bounty for him. He continued to write his wife as if nothing was going on. His CO did an occasional attitude check on him just to make sure he was ok. But the he said the attacks became more frequent...when they went on operations it seemed they were ambushed more often and the point of the ambush was always right at him. Hanoi Hannah kept reminding "your wife" she would say. Your wife wants you to come home. Just listening to him I feel tension. This tension is wrecking my friend...he can't let go of what he considers a betrayal. His illnesses are all brought on by his state of mind...a rotten state of mind that after 40 years it gets worse. He tells me his only cure is to die...